


Losing You

by najaeri



Series: Iridescent [2]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, School, Slice of Life, University
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28665561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/najaeri/pseuds/najaeri
Summary: The group is welcoming their new year at the University. But with dangerous thoughts, come regrettable actions as they start to unveil what friendship really means and how the University they dreaded to be wasn't as perfect as they thought.Their hearts will be soon crashing to the ground.
Relationships: Jung Yunho (DBSK) & Kim Jaejoong, Jung Yunho (DBSK)/Kim Jaejoong, Lee Hoseok | Wonho & Lee Minhyuk, Lee Hoseok | Wonho/Lee Minhyuk, Son Hyunwoo | Shownu & Yoo Kihyun, Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun, YunJae - Relationship
Series: Iridescent [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2046314
Comments: 11
Kudos: 7





	1. Adventure

“Ugn! Yun!” he moaned under his arms. Yunho was penetrating him with all his might, the droplets of sweats caressing both of them intensively. The top was panting in pleasure, watching how the other trembled under him.

He would never let this man go. He felt so much pleasure, so much desire - something he has never felt before.

And something he would never achieve with his girlfriend.

He didn’t think of her anymore.

But his thoughts were scattered away when he saw Jaejoong caressing his manhood - he was on the edge of cumming.

“Why are you… so sexy?” were Yunho’s words while he continued to move his hips inside the other, his previous cum coming out of the other’s manhole. He just couldn’t handle it, he loved Jaejoong’s inside. 

“Ah!” moaned Jaejoong again, feeling his prostate being hit with waves of underlying pleasure. “Yes, there!” 

“There?” he said between moans, hitting him again and again in the same spot.

“Yes!” screamed Jaejoong, the sweaty sheets moving as he moved his hips. “Fuck me!” 

“I am!” shouted Yunho, his dick vibrating. “I am going to fuck you so hard!” 

“Yes! Ah! Yunnnn!” he continued to moan, knowing he wouldn’t be able to handle it anymore. 

“I’m cumming inside you baby, again and again,” said in a very hoarse and sexy voice. He loved taking Jaejoong raw - but the other did not always allow it. Not only was it messy, but he wanted the other to be safe as well. It only happened every once in a while and he took every opportunity he could without saying no.

He loved seeing his cum flowing, he loved how it felt - he loved everything about this goddamned man.

And he was still confused.

That did not stop him from desiring the other to no end.

“Fill me, Yunnie!”

And Yunho lost it - it was like heaven when the other called him like that, which was only in bed.

The third-year student released his seeds inside the other, while the second year trembled, his juices all over Yunho’s stomach. The top fell on the bottom’s chest, trying to catch his breath. His dick was limp as it could be - it was the second time on the same day he came inside the other. He hoped he could do another one, but he was too tired to think.

Yunho then accommodated himself beside the other and snuggled with him, falling asleep almost immediately. Jaejoong smiled, his erratic breath already coming back to its regular shape.

Second-year.

Jaejoong was already in his second year and so many things have happened since his first year - things that he thought he would never surpass, but he did amazingly well. He passed his basic classes with a perfect GPA, and he was still in his secret relationship with Yunho. Shownu wasn’t in agreement and cut communication with both he and Yunho, but he couldn’t let him go - he wouldn’t understand.

Kihyun maintained his relationship, but he was sure that Shownu wasn’t in agreement with that. In the end, he was Kihyun’s only friend but it wasn’t something he was proud of. It did make him feel better when Kihyun confessed that he liked him the best out of everyone and he knew how to hold secrets without judging. When he opened that event of his traumatic past, Jaejoong never - not even when he was mad, said it to anyone. It wasn’t his secret to share.

Just like it wasn’t Kihyun’s, which he appreciated.

He was repaying the secret while holding another.

And it has been almost a year. 9 months to be exact. They started to be in this affair at the end of the first semester, all the way to the second semester when Shownu overheard his confession to Kihyun and the two months of vacation they had. 

But he did not want to spend it with him - he couldn’t. He knew Yunho wanted to be with Gina and he was the other, he wasn’t as important. He notified Yunho he was going to leave for the entire summer and there was nothing the other could do but to say goodbye. 

He spent a month with Nami, Mingi, and Cheska. The four of them wanted to go to the US to different states and eat delicious food. At least he did not feel like the third wheel and was actually very happy that he could meet Mingi more discreetly. They shared way more than he imagined and ended up being closer than they were before. After that, Nami and Mingi headed off to Nami’s home in Japan. 

The second month he went to Europe with Kirs and Mina. They spent a week in France - Mina’s home. He could taste so many different flavors and be excited to have met her family. As he expected, she was very rich and her family had extravagant personalities, but it was fun. After that, he went to Italy and Portugal - which he loved, especially Portugal. He then decided it was time to come back, but he did not notify Yunho of his arrival. 

In fact, no one knew he was back in South Korea until yesterday. He wanted to be alone, with his family, and enjoy the time he had off. He even met a couple of dudes he still maintained contact with and he had to admit he messed up with two of them - but he wasn’t cheating. He wasn’t exclusively Yunho’s and those were the ground rules since day 1. 

Yes, Yunho knew he was in love with him and no, Yunho has never mentioned it ever since he overheard that conversation. In fact, he hid it so well it surprised Jaejoong. But did he want to talk about it? He didn’t feel like it, so it was better to leave it as it was. 

Jaejoong was tired and he could hear Yunho’s breath near him. He was asleep and it was hard to wake up, so he just grabbed his phone to entertain himself until he felt wearier.

  
  


**_Kihyun_ **

_Hey, welcome back._

**_Jaejoong_ **

_Thanks, bud! How are you doing?_

**_Kihyun_ **

_Good, I guess._

**_Jaejoong_ **

_How’s Shownu?_

**_Kihyun_ **

_Doubtful._

**_Jaejoong_ **

_Let me guess - he still doesn’t approve._

**_Kihyun_ **

_Worse - there are rumors on some pages that you are with an unidentified male._

**_Jaejoong_ **

_Well… that’s fine, I don’t care what they say about my life. I do worry about my family finding out as I have yet to tell them, but it will eventually happen._

**_Kihyun_ **

_I don’t know, Jaejoong - it seems suspicious._

**_Jaejoong_ **

_Can you forward me the page?_

**_Kihyun_ **

_IG POST_

_Kam99 - UNIVERSITY RUMORS??????? CHECK IT OUT!!!!_

Jaejoong clicked on the link and saw a picture of him with another male. But there was something odd in the picture - he could not figure out why, but he could not recall any of his friends or acquaintances looking like him.

_Kam99_

_Kam99 They say the hottest bachelor in International Law, Kim Jaejoong, is hitting up with a male!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We do not know yet who it is, can you take a guess??????_

_View all 938 comments_

Jaejoong did check some - with weird names he has never heard in his life, but he did not see any name related to Yunho, which made him breathe in peace. As long as they did not find out it was Yunho, he was fine. They could say whatever they wanted, he could take it. 

Or so he thought.

**_Jaejoong_ **

_It is suspicious but, you know… I remember that IG so it should not surprise me._

**_Kihyun_ **

_But that IG only fantasizes. They do not do any rumors, this one is a brand new one - it doesn’t have any posts apart from this one. How it blew up so quickly?_

**_Jaejoong_ **

_I know, Kihyun - you are trying to protect me and I appreciate it. I truly do - but in the end, I deserve it. If anything happens to me, it was my bad and I will accept it._

**_Kihyun_ **

_I cannot tell you to think otherwise, but I can tell you to be careful. Shownu is coming but I’ll talk to you later._

Jaejoong yawned and he decided to put his phone in Do Not Disturb mode, he wasn’t going to think more about it. It would eventually happen.

+++

The very next day, Kihyun picked him up and they went to University together. A lot of people were lining up to see with whom he came, but when they saw Kihyun they were disappointed. They know for a fact it wasn’t him - they were good friends and Kihyun was way too cold in front of everyone. It also remained a mystery who Shownu’s partner was. It was a way to prevent people from knowing and so far, it has worked out. 

That is why Shownu still allowed Kihyun to see Jaejoong. The latter was convinced that since he was protecting himself and Kihyun from rumors, it was a good idea for people to constantly see them together. The oldest has continued to tell him that it is not true, but he wasn’t exactly buying it. He didn’t mind - after all, he considered Kihyun to be his best friend. 

Nami and Kihyun were the best things that had ever happened to him.

But Nami is strict. Her views clash with his constantly. He knew she would not see this lightly.

“I guess it hasn’t stopped,” were the older’s words. “That page is all about you. Are you sure no one is following you?”

Jaejoong shredded. 

He had no idea if he was being honest. 

“Just… be very careful,” was all he mentioned. Anyone could be hearing him and he did not want to jeopardize things more than they already were. 

Jaejoong nodded and said goodbye to his friends, who walked away to go to his respective building. When the second-year student turned around, he saw Wonho in front of him. He smiled at him and bowed down. 

“Hey,” greeted him, the volleyball player. “We have practice at 4 pm this time. Did you get the notification?” 

“No,” mentioned Jaejoong. “I haven’t seen my phone, it has been… chaotic.” 

“Nami told me,” replied Wonho. “If you need anything, let me know.” 

“With a single punch coming from you, they’ll see the stars,” was the other reply and the third-year student laughed.

“That’s what they say,” was his response. “Let me bring you company. I am on my way to the Engineering building.” 

“Looking after your lover, eh?” he said with a soft smile and Wonho blushed, pushing him a little. They continue to laugh and make fun of each other while they walk away.


	2. Moving On

Kihyun was at the bleachers waiting for Shownu to finish his practice, he also was there to cheer on his best friend. He had to admit he wasn’t a great cheerleader, he just watched them practice and nothing else. He did smile at his boyfriend from time to time, but nothing too fancy. He wanted him to focus.

He could feel the tense environment, but he was used to it. Jaejoong was usually on Shownu's side, so they had to cooperate, but Shownu wasn’t good at hiding his feelings, which made him snap a couple of times at Jaejoong. It hasn’t been the first time it has happened and Wonho has asked him if he knew something but he has maintained his side.

It wasn’t his secret to tell.

It didn’t help that Shownu wasn’t talking to Yunho either.

Wonho felt like the group was separating without a valid reason, but the less he knew, the better it was for him. He shouldn’t be involved in all this mess. He was good with Minhyuk just like he was good with Shownu. That he was at fault - yes, but Jaejoong also held something deep in his heart that has never been shared. In a way, he was returning a favor, but they didn’t need to know that.

As his mind continued to process some thoughts, he felt a small vibration in his pocket. He took his cell phone out and opened his Kakao Talk.

**_Nami_ **

_Hey, sorry to bother you, but I know the guys are in practice._

Somehow, he always flinched when he saw a woman’s name on his screen. It has become better and he was surprised at himself how long he has lasted with the four other girls, who were very close to the group and also close to themselves when they hang out with each other. He should be proud of himself, but he had to admit that he was a bit biased towards the boys and he felt more comfortable around them.

Although it has become more tolerable, he liked Nami and Cheska the most. When they were around, they were quiet. He knew that Nami was mostly because Mingi was with her, but Cheska didn’t need a reason to be like that. He noticed she was very shy around strangers, but they still have gone to a lot of places with the whole group, so she shouldn’t be.

He didn’t dare to ask anyway.

**_Kihyun_ **

_It’s okay._

**_Nami_ **

_We are going to our usual place. Mina and Kirs are leaving for their internship in France._

**_Kihyun_ **

_That was… fast._

**_Nami_ **

_Mina was in her third year when we met her, she is in her last year. Kirs is the club president and has a project. Mina offered her home since her parents have properties over there._

Kihyun continuously forgets how rich Mina was and she was proud of it. She wore a lot of expensive stuff and was on point with fashion. She was a bit too much for him and they had the least communication, he didn’t want to say they did not get along, but he knew he wasn’t her favorite person.

He liked Kirs. They haven’t had the opportunity to talk more than they have had in the past, but she’s very thoughtful and likes to give advice. It was a pity she was leaving, but life was like that.

Everyone eventually would move on.

**_Kihyun_ **

_I will let them know, but Shownu…_

**_Nami_ **

_I know. But he’s very close to Mina._

Another detail he didn’t like. Shownu was very amicable and had tons of friends, but the closest ones he had were Yunho, Minhyuk, Mina, and Cheska. Every group had their clichés, but that one was his boyfriend.

He had to admit that he didn’t like that. He did not enjoy Mina’s proximity with Shownu. He has never heard it from her mouth, but others have said to him several times that Mina doesn’t feel anything towards Shownu and Shownu only has eyes for him, which was the same reason only their close group of friends knew they were together.

Most of the University was aware that Shownu was with someone - he always posts pictures of their hands or gifts he bought him. He never showed his silhouette or anything that could make people suspect he was the one with him. There were a lot of rumors, but most of them were around Shownu and Mina. Mina had manly hands - something he didn’t care about, but they could be mistaken for his. 

Maybe that was the reason why they were never fond of each other, but he didn’t like to judge.

He has been judged most of his life to be that way as well. 

Their whole group was a mess anyway since Minhyuk and Wonho were the most established pairing between them and the social butterflies, they are saying that they play matchmaker. Of course, there are no rumors between them or Yunho, since he had Gina.

If they knew that in his eyes, it was a lie.

But people like making things out of thin air. That wasn’t his fault.

**_Kihyun_ **

_It is just that Yunho, Jaejoong, and he are not in the best shape. He can tolerate one at a time, but I am not sure if he would be able to be there with both._

Even though he is not seeing Nami, he could hear her sigh all the way where he was.

**_Nami_ **

_I pretty much would like to know what the fuck is happening, but I know you won’t tell._

Kihyun felt a sad smile covering his face.

He had to admit that out of the four girls, he had a bit more leverage towards Nami and it hurt him a slight bit to lie to her, especially because Nami was Jaejoong’s best friend. Like every group, most of them were really close, but the cliché on Jaejoong’s part was Nami, Cheska, and himself. He did share a lot with Wonho and Minhyuk, but those two were on a different side. Minhyuk was really close to Kirs, Nami, and Shownu, while Wonho was close to Yunho, Mingi, and Nami.

If he had to put someone on a stand and make that person the head of everyone, it would be Nami.

She was just best friends with everybody.

**_Nami_ **

_Anyway, before i get agitated, tell them to appear or i will personally go and smack their asses._

Kihyun chuckled, not noticing a very familiar person sitting beside him.

“Why are you chuckling?” 

Kihyun moved his head to look at his boyfriend and briefly smiled at him. He looked sexy - he was drenched in sweat, the drips falling from his face. His hair was messy and his breathing was agitated. That shirt looked deliciously good and he was tempted to kiss him senselessly.

And he wished he could give him more, but his trauma overcame him.

He didn’t know why Shownu was so patient. Another male in his place would have dumped him already.

He loved him so much, so much much - he was blessed to have him close to his heart. He wished to give him everything and that’s why deep inside he was envious of Mina.

She was everything he wasn’t - she was confident in her walk, confident in herself; she didn’t bullshit you and threw facts on your face. She didn’t care what you think about her style, she knew who she was and she embraced it. She might have her own struggles, but nothing that would stop her from being her. She was very similar to Nami, but Nami was down-to-earth - she didn’t want more that she couldn’t have and she was bad-mouthed, she was just transparent. 

With Mina, you felt belittled. 

“Nami told me to tell you that the whole group will be meeting for the last time today,” he announced, hearing Shownu grunt. “I am sure you knew Mina was leaving soon.” 

“She is leaving in a couple of months, but Kirs is leaving in two weeks,” he announced. “I have an upcoming trip with her. Her parents are coming and she wants me to see them.” 

Kihyun wasn’t liking the idea. It looked like Shownu was introducing himself as her boyfriend. 

“Kihyun, I cannot change the way you feel about her just like I can’t change my best friend,” were his words, wanting to hold his hands but knew it wasn’t appropriate at this time. Most people just knew they were in the same group of friends, which surprised most since Kihyun was the quietest person they have ever met in their lives.

“But for the millionth time, I love you,” he announced, knowing that those words were just between them. “And that will not change.” 

Kihyun smiled a bit and saw Jaejoong approaching him. His boyfriend felt his presence and decided to give him a small smile before he left his side before the other approached.

“He must have said something nice, huh?” was all he said, his feet on top of the bleacher. “He’s not as nice with me.” 

“There is nothing I can do about that,” mentioned Kihyun. It sounded cold as ice, but Jaejoong knew he didn’t mean it that way. He was trustful in his words.

Kihyun wasn’t choosing sides. He couldn’t. 

“Nami told me she would text you,” mentioned the volleyball player. “Did she?” 

Kihyun nodded. “There's a plan for tonight at our usual group place. I guess it is a farewell kind of thing to Mina and Kirs.” 

“I kind of suspected it,” confessed Jaejoong. “Nami is very sensible and she was crying.” 

Kihyun felt his heart growing in pain, but he didn’t want to admit he felt _something_ towards Nami. It was enough with loving Shownu and caring for Jaejoong. He couldn’t have his heart going through that much acceptance.

Especially towards a woman.

“She will be fine, it is not like Mina cannot travel,” mentioned Jaejoong like it was the most normal thing on Earth. “She is just doing this diploma to have something but she has her future settled and knows exactly what she wants. She is very straightforward with herself.” 

Kihyun simply nodded. Jaejoong knew she wasn’t his favorite subject, but he also knew Jaejoong said it to reassure him that Mina did not want to be between him and Shownu.

“Well, Shownu is not talking to me, but Nami is the pillar,” mentioned Jaejoong. “He has to go.” 

“He will,” was all they mentioned as he saw Yunho frowning at them. “Mina is his best friend. He is leaving a part of him behind. He should be there.” 

“We only have 30 mins approximately,” he mentioned to Kihyun. “I’ll tell Yunho so he can come.” 

“He will invite his girlfriend,” he replied and Jaejoong sadly smiled, but there was nothing he could do.

He was the lover, nothing else and nothing more.

“I prepared myself,” was his reply. “I’m bringing Yuu.” 

Kihyun arched an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me…” 

Jaejoong wasn’t proud, but he couldn’t deny it either. “Yes, Mingi knows I fucked his brother and yes, Yuu knows I am not in love with him. He just wants to fuck me around and I’m allowing him - that’s all.” 

The International Studies student didn’t say anything else - it wasn’t his problem to mend with.

“Does Yunho know?” 

Jaejoong denied. “But we had an agreement and he must comply.” 

Kihyun didn’t like that game - he knew about the agreement in detail and he didn’t agree to the whole mess. It was just too much for his brain and heart to be able to maintain it. He admired Jaejoong though. He was so much in love with Yunho that he was willing to maintain it a secret for as long as it could. 

He didn’t have the heart to.

“Well, I will see you in a bit!” was all Jaejoong said before he ran back to the court, Yunho’s penetrating gaze going through both.


	3. No

It was after 5 pm and the club activities were about to begin. There were a lot of lines and people asking questions back and forth. He was blessed that his line wasn’t as chaotic as other lines - like the Literature one. He felt sorry for his friend, but he hoped for her to get a space in the club. All the clubs needed to test the new members and only a handful of people would be selected. Others could either join a less crowded club or switch to a sorority. You could also decide to stay out of the clubs, but this wasn’t encouraged - this promoted alliance, friendship, and extracurricular activities that looked great on a resume. 

But in his case, he didn’t care about how good it looked - he just loved the sports and wanted to participate with the University. He wanted to hear the cheers and travel within the country. He wanted to expose his talent and there was no better way of doing it than enrolling in the Volleyball club.

However, there was a big milestone in front of him. Will he be able to stand over it? Doubtful. 

He still had hope that it would change.

“Hello!” a very cheerful member of the team greeted the newcomer. “We are almost full - but we will be testing around 20 people and will have around 3 phases before selecting the final five. From those selected, three will mostly substitute players and the other two will enter our main team. We do have two other people that are our last option and because of it, they are part of other clubs, and they are allowed to be on two at the same time.” 

“So, you guys are a total of 14?” asked Jaejoong, just to make sure he was hearing the most correct information. 

“Yup,” said the member. “Three of our main players were in the 4th year and they graduated. We tested our bench players but only one passed the test and is now on the main team. The other two left due to not being in agreement, so we are very short. The fifth bench player is graduating this fall and they allowed us to take an additional one,” he explained but thought Jaejoong was confused by his explanation, so he asked: “I am guessing you are very familiar with the sport, right?”

Jaejoong nodded. “In fact, here’s my CV,” he said, giving him a folder that contained pictures, articles, and websites where he could find more information about his volleyball achievements.

“Wow,” he said, immediately impressed. “You won 2nd place in the Korean High School Country Championship? And you were the captain? That is a very high achievement there.” 

Jaejoong smiled.

“I think our captain would love you to have in the team,” was all he could say, Jaejoong’s smile fading little by little.

It was like going to war without a gun. But he wanted to still fight.

“Hey, Ohmke! Come here,” he told him, interrupting his small chat with the vice president of the club, who was also the captain's assistant. 

Ohmke rolled his eyes and walked towards him. With a very saturated and low voice, he directed his words towards him. “What do you want?” 

“See this,” was the member’s words, giving him the fresher’s CV.

Ohmke simply arched his eyebrow. He knew exactly who it was. When he closed the CV in a bad attitude, his eyes clashed with the other.

But he didn’t say a word to him.

“Put him on the list, we will do the trials tomorrow,” was all he said before leaving. Jaejoong didn’t know what to expect or what to say, but he was relieved.

At least he could show them in person what he was made of.

“Well, since he said yes, please sign~”

And the fresher immediately did, putting his phone number down.

“We will see you at the trials next week!”

Jaejoong smiled and then proceeded to do a slight bow as gratitude before he left the place, knowing he had to prepare himself for the upcoming trials.

But he never saw how a certain person looked at him from afar.

“We are closed!” said the member while apologizing to other people in the line. There were too many people interested and so little space for them. That’s why they would only choose the best ones to be part of the team. 

“Who was that?” asked the vice-captain, his brown eyes roaming on the list his teammate had on his hands.

“I don’t know his name,” he said but gave him the list as Ohmke was nowhere to be seen and the tallest was the second in command. “But he has a great CV,” he said, giving him the other piece of paper as well.

The vice-president of the club started to look through it, a bit surprised at the achievements. He was very skilled - but he had to see him in action. He has seen a lot of people who talked a lot and boasted about being great, but they lacked the passion he liked to see in the players. 

“Hmmm,” he whispered, followed by a smile on his face.

_Kim Jaejoong_.

+++

The volleyball player was exhausted. He went running a couple of miles but he hasn’t done it in a couple of months. Since he was preparing and studying to get into the best university he couldn’t continue to be in the team. His last year he was mostly a bench player and helped his coach. He did participate in matches and he knew he was missed in the team, but he needed to do his best and make his grandfather and dad happy.

He smiled to himself, the sweat covering his forehead and drenching his shirt. 

He went to a small bench, where he placed his backpack with a key. He took the key out of his sports pants and opened it up, taking his cell phone out. He checked his KakaoTalk and laughed at a notification he had. 

He was in several group chats - mostly surrounding his best friends from high school and with his family. 

As his mind flew somewhere else, he received another notification.

_Ocean Nami: I have to write a horror story within a week. I am giving up!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Ocean Nami: Why did they choose my weakness instead of my strength?!?!??!?_

Jaejoong laughed.

_JayJay: Don’t you think it is a good idea? You can improve that way._

_Ocean Nami: I DON’T WANT TO IMPROVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE UGHHHHHHHHHHHH_

_JayJay: How are you even considering studying Psychology?_

_Ocean Nami: Because learning the human’s mind is powerful for my characters._

_JayJay: Then make your imagination wild. Do you want any song recommendations?_

_Ocean Nami: How did you know I get inspired by songs?!?!??!_

_JayJay: Lawyer_

_Ocean Nami: Brooooooo, you lyingggg. You are just a 18-year-old student._

_JayJay: But my grandfather is a judge._

_Ocean Nami: Damn it_

Jaejoong laughed again.


	4. Betrayal

Kihyun couldn’t answer that claim. He was stuck.

_ “The four of us know it’s Yunho, Kirs deducted it herself, but she will not say anything as she is not close to you like she is with Minah, Nami, or Cheska. We will be on our way to Seoul in a couple of hours.”  _

“You guys barely left yesterday, and really late too…” tried to reason Kihyun with him, but he was interrupted.

_ “Minah’s parents are coming instead. They are staying for a couple of days before she leaves. They also wanted to meet Nami and Cheska, but due the circumstances of us studying, they preferred to not inconvenience us and they also gave me a small talk about wanting to leave to meet them. So, it will work out fine, but this wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to give Minah a proper farewell, and now we are stuck with this shit.”  _

“Nunu, I can’t tell you it will be alright, but I can assure you that I know you care for both,” he continued, giving him reassurance. “And I will hold him. No matter what happens, I will have his back.” 

_ “You are selfless,” _ started Shownu.  _ “Even when I try to step away from his problems and try to not talk about him or Yunho, you always know what’s in the back of my mind. Yunho is my best friend, I don’t even want to imagine what would happen if they discover it was him.” _

Neither he was. Kihyun was unaware of what to do in these situations. 

_ “We will be stopping for some souvenirs and then we will catch a flyover,” _ was Shownu’s response.  _ “I love you.”  _

“I will see you here,” were his last words before saying goodbye. When he placed his phone on the table, he saw a very happy Jaejoong walking towards him with a tray of food. 

“Thank you,” said Kihyun, grabbing the plate of soup and bread, the utensils, and a glass of water. He also helped Jaejoong place his portion of food on the top of the table. 

“Did Shownu call you?” asked Jaejoong, knowing Kihyun was taken aback by the comment. 

“Yes,” was his small answer as he watched the second-year student taking the table out and sitting beside him.

“Is he okay?” he asked, slurping a bit of the soup.

“Yes,” replied Kihyun, mimicking the other. 

“I know it is weird, but I do care about him,” was his response, making the other smile a bit.

Kihyun felt grateful. They don’t talk to each other and Shownu has tried to facade his feelings, but deep inside, they wanted to be friends again. His boyfriend was on the stubborn side and Jaejoong was following his heart. There was nothing wrong with either, but he hoped that this mess would get resolved soon.

For the sake of everyone affected. 

What he did want to know was, who made that rumor? Who dared to follow Jaejoong and publish that picture? Jaejoong was very private and he knew it for a fact. If he didn’t catch them at that time, he would have never guessed with whom he was. 

“I know you do,” were his last words before they continued to eat their breakfast in silence, each one of them engrossed in their own thoughts.

+++

Jaejoong dropped Kihyun off and said goodbye to him. He was going to the other building, which was far from International Students and he didn’t feel like walking. He would park there and then grab his car to come back. He also forgot to grab his lesson plans, so he had about 20 minutes to spare to grab those after class ended. He could print them out, but he needed the corrections he made, which he forgot to pass to his computer. 

As he parked confidently, he grabbed his stuff and left his car with a cup of fresh brewed iced coffee he made at home. He closed his car and started to walk, his phone in silent mode, which surprised him. He was always glued to his phone, but he wanted to be at peace today. He also needed to concentrate as the class was difficult for him and he was behind. He was about to fail it and he was pushing towards that demanding C. He wanted a B, but he wasn’t great at Biology and he admitted it. 

Shownu, Minhyuk, and Kihyun were the ones who usually helped him. With Shownu out of the picture, he only had the latter two to help him out and sometimes it wasn’t even enough. At least he wasn’t as bad at Math.

He continued to walk with all the patience in the world, he had 10 minutes to spare and he would take advantage of them.

That was until someone grabbed him by the arm. He felt alarmed and was about to throw everything to the other person in self-defense, but when he saw Wonho, he sighed in relief.

“Dude, you scared me,” admitted Jaejoong and Wonho laughed.

“I am sorry,” said the other. “I was shouting at you but you didn’t answer, so I decided to surprise you.” 

“Oof, sorry,” replied the second-year student. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be on the other side of the building?” 

“They closed three of the labs and we are using the General Sciences one for about 2 weeks until they figure out what is happening, which I don’t even know,” was his confession. “They aren’t mixing us, but we are in the same building. I wanted to tell you, but you aren’t responding to any messages either.” 

“Sorry,” Jaejoong took his phone out and gave it to him. “As you can see, I have been ignoring everyone.”

“You have over 500 notifications, what the fuck?” 

Jaejoong shrugged. “Bless Do Not Disturb mode.” 

Wonho laughed. “Well, next time, just bring me some coffee,” and they started to walk together as they chatted towards their respective classrooms.

+++

Minhyuk was talking with some peers in the cafeteria, his laugh being heard. He was texting back and forth with his lovely Wonho, who was bored out of his mind in his class, and saying how cheap the equipment was compared to the one he was used to. He had 30 minutes before going to his next class, the reason why he was there and he couldn’t run to save him from him misery.

“Okay, but did you see the latest gossip?” said one of the female team members. 

But Minhyuk already knew about it. Heck, he was in that circle of friends, of course, he was aware.

“Not again,” said Minhyuk with a sigh. “You don’t even know how many people have asked me. I have my IG DMs flooded!” 

“Well, we want to know bro,” said one of the males in the small circle. “Jaejoong is yummy. I would tap him every day, but someone beat me on it and I’m upset.” 

“You don’t stand a chance,” was Minhyuk’s response while the rest laughed. 

“He has such a cold persona,” said the lady. “But he seems very friendly after talking to him. I have seen him with Minhyuk a couple of times and he’s handsome.” 

“Let’s drink, my friend,” said the other lady in the circle, taking her juice as if it were wine. “For another loss of our heterosexual club.” 

“We lost Wonho, Shownu, Minhyuk and now Jaejoong,” she replied while laughing, cheering as a joke.

“Well, as long as any of you stay in the club so I can tap your ass too, I’m good,” said the oldest male of the team, receiving some slaps from the other women.

“I go both ways so, more for me,” said the guy who threw that comment about Jaejoong.

“You are all crazy,” said Minhyuk and they continued to chat and joke around until a person came running to them. They all halted what they were doing and their sole focus was on that random person who suddenly came, who was also trying to catch his breath so he could talk.

“Uh? Kai?” he said, he knew who the guy was. Kai was the nickname for Jong-in. He was very well-known in the Music Department, who was also Cheska’s friend. They were in the same club together, so it was weird for him to come all the way here to search for him. 

“Minhyuk,” called him out of breath, but he was coherent enough to speak without much trouble. “Cheska told me to get you no matter what.” 

“She has my phone, why did she send you?” he asked with an arched eyebrow.

“You have to come with me, I can’t explain it,” were his words before he grabbed him by the hand and started running with him. Minhyuk gasped in surprise while he shouted to the other to stop and immediately after that, his friends grabbed their stuff and started running after him, not only curious about what was happening but also worried about Minhyuk.

A couple of minutes later, they were on the bulletin board of the Engineering department. It was full of students gossiping with each other and pointing fingers at the board. It wasn’t common for this to happen, but occasionally students placed stupid stuff before being expelled or maybe there was a talent show coming - who knows.

He wasn’t even aware of why he was dragged here with such short notice.

“It’s Minhyuk,” claimed one student, and that surprised him even more. How could they know he was there when there were a bunch of students looking at the board? He didn’t know, but his suspicion grew and he wasn’t liking it.

The students continued to gossip harder, but it was hard to understand them. Some were speaking in different languages and some were really quiet. They briefly opened the path for him and when he could see the board in its entirety, he stood in shock. Not even a tear coming out of his eyes.

There were pictures of Jaejoong and Wonho everywhere, some of which he knew, some of which he wasn’t aware of.

But the one that affected him the most was the one where they were kissing each other the night they said goodbye to Minah and walking towards the Science building, their arms linked.

That’s the reason why Wonho left after Jaejoong and came with him around the same time. That’s the reason why Wonho kept telling him he still had volleyball classes when he was aware the practices didn’t last longer than 3 hours. That’s the reason why Wonho kept telling Minhyuk how excited he was to have Jaejoong in the same building as him. That’s the reason why Wonho always diverted the conversation when he had opinions about Jaejoong and Yunho’s relationship.

He always thought Jaejoong was in love with Yunho, not because he admitted it to him, but the way he looked at him, the way they interacted, the way they avoided each other at times, it made sense in his head.

But it was a lie. It was a facade. They were together in this to laugh at his clown face while he walked with his horns around the university.

Perhaps everyone knew it except for him, maybe only a couple of them knew, but everything was exposed and he was the loser. He was the one loving Wonho and trusting him with all his might, while he was being cheated on with Jaejoong. 

Everything on his head made sense. All those little details that Wonho didn’t want to tell him, how he covered up some things and he decided to forget about them, how Wonho became open to others, but close to him. He wasn’t imagining things, they were real and they were coming for him.

Wonho was fucking cheating on him.

Minhyuk blankly stared at the board, not a sign of distress or madness on his face.

He was broken, he was empty, he was shattered to pieces.

“Min,” dared one of his friends to move forward, placing his arm on his shoulder. “Min, say something.” 

But he wasn’t listening, he couldn’t comprehend the situation in front of his eyes. It was as clear as it could get, but deep inside he wanted it to be a lie. He wanted everything as it was before but he regretted it, he was regretting talking to Shownu and him introducing them to their circle of friends. He was regretting approaching them as well as being that social, he was regretting so many things in his life…

And one of them was loving Wonho.

“It’s all over Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook,” murmured one of Minhyuk’s engineering friends. “They fucked him up.”

“MIN!” they heard someone from far away, running towards them.

All of them knew that voice.

“Min!” he cried out loud, his face full of tears. “Min, please, don’t…” 

Minhyuk turned to him and saw the person he loved and trusted the most with fake tears covering his face. 

He was a mirage tainted by filth. He wanted to be seen as the victim when all he did was hurt him to the point of no return.

The Engineering student slapped him twice in front of everyone. His anger, his illusions, his dreams being transmitted with it. He wanted to do more, but love doesn’t go away that fast. Unfortunately, hurting him shattered him too and he couldn’t do anymore without breaking down and demonstrating how weak he was for him.

Wonho didn’t say anything, he accepted the slaps while the tears continued to fall. He was about to lose three years of love right before his face due to a lie. Due to someone fabricating pictures and making it seem like they were together. 

But Minhyuk wasn’t going to believe it. He knew what the other was thinking and he was connecting invisible dots with each other. Those lines didn’t exist, they didn’t match each other. If he said the truth, he will be deemed and seen as a liar and a manipulator, as a cheater. 

Wonho thought his heart couldn’t be more trampled until he saw Minhyuk taking out his promise ring and throwing it on his face, the same one falling to the floor shortly after.

The Medicine major sobbed more and saw Minhyuk leaving, his long but steady steps running away from him.

“Minhyuk!” he shouted, grabbing the ring in a heartbeat and was close to going after him when one of Minhyuk’s friends stopped him.

“You broke him enough, stop.” 

Wonho tried to fight against him, but several others grabbed him to prevent him from going after the other. He kept shouting his name until he saw his figure disappearing in the long hall, his cries intensifying. 


	5. Trust

Jaejoong was biting his nails off. He was walking back and forth. He really wanted to leave his apartment, but he had another class to go to. He couldn’t miss it, they had an assignment to make and the instructions were going to be given today. He was in a remote area in the university, hiding from people due to the scandal that started early in the morning.

He hasn’t even dared to look at this cell phone either.

He knew he was tagged in so much stuff and people were giving him shit based on a lie.

Yes, he was seeing a male. Yes, he was in love with him and yes, that male was cheating on his significant other, but it wasn’t Wonho.

It wasn’t fucking Wonho!

If he came clean about it, he would put himself in a worse situation. This wasn’t a decision he wanted to make on his own, he needed Yunho’s perspective too and it hurt him.

Minhyuk and Wonho were suffering and it was their fault.

“Damn it,” said Jaejoong, biting his nails shortly after.

He had no clue on how to fix this mess.

And he had no proof to counterattack those pictures. They looked extremely real. He knew a couple of people who were majoring in Graphic Designing and they couldn’t find the difference. It was even harder when he did not have any of the original pictures. That could have changed something, but that seemed impossible as well.

He had been thinking non-stop since he saw the pictures in the bulletin board by the Engineering area and nothing came to his mind. He had to admit that he went when it was calmer, the chaos of Wonwoo and Minhyuk confronting each other being the talk of the University. He also had to hide himself to prevent more rumors, but he was sure that someone saw him.

He did try his best to not be seen.

At the back of his mind, was the reaction of his family. He was sure that since the pictures were posted on social media, they would get a hold of them soon. One was pictures of himself being stupid and some unbiased rumors about him going out with someone, and another was a clear picture of him kissing a man. 

He had to admit that for the first time in his life, he was scared. He didn’t want them to know about his sexuality this soon. He needed time. He wanted to tell them after he was a professional. He wanted to hide it as much as he could until it came to that point where he could be true to them and to himself.

But no, someone wanted to fuck up with him and there he was, in a position he never thought he would be.

He was so careful with Yunho that he forgot he had other male friends who could be involved without him wanting. 

However, his thoughts were scattered when he heard his phone ringing.

There were only three people he did not put on the ignore list - Nami, Kihyun, and Yunho.

And that specific ringtone was Yunho’s.

He wasn’t ready to talk to him, but he needed to. This time, he wasn’t thinking like a lover in need, he was thinking as a friend he was of both and how could this jeopardize their friendship.

“ _ Jae?” _

Jaejoong breathed. “Yunho, this is so fucked up. Those are pictures of us.” 

_ “I know,” _ was his answer, but it wasn’t enough. They needed to come with a solution, and soon.

“I am hands tied,” confessed the Law student. “I want to tell him the truth, but I do not have those pictures. Someone has been tailing us and they made it seem like it was me with Wonho. I have no clue who would want to do that.” 

_ “I am not prepared to talk to Gina,” _ was Yunho’s response, and Jaejoong had to admit that he felt infuriated. 

He wasn’t mad because he was the lover, the secondary - he was mad because it was his best friend in the middle of this situation.

“I am going to sound very mean,” said Jaejoong, knowing the other wouldn’t like his response. “But this is your best friend, Yunho, he is in our circle of friends. Minhyuk is close to me. He thinks I touched Wonho, that I kissed him when it is a lie. It’s not him!” 

_ “Do you think I don’t fucking know?” _ replied a very upset Yunho.  _ “But I am not prepared to take the fall. I need time.”  _

“Time is what we don’t have!” he shouted at him, becoming upset at his words.

He wanted Wonho to take the fall when he wasn’t at fault. He didn’t deserve this. None of them did. This was something they needed to fix because they broke it in the first place. Why did the other two need to carry the consequence of their despicable act?

_ “I called you to console me, not to shout at me!”  _

“How do you want me to reach when you are basically telling me that they deserve to take our fall?” tried to reason Jaejoong, but he knew the other wasn’t going to change his position.

_ “They don’t! This is why I am calling you, I just need time and courage, which I am gathering. I want to tell Gina so we can fix this together.”  _

“I don’t know, Yunho, it might be too late,” sighed Jaejoong. “I should have never accepted this craziness.” 

_ “But you did, we both did and we are equally responsible.”  _

“And now we are on this fucking mess we created,” bit his lips Jaejoong, the tears conquering his eyes. “I need time, Yunho.” 

_ “No, I need you,” _ said Yunho, becoming desperate. He wasn’t going to let him go.

He needed him.

“I need you too,” admitted Jaejoong, the first pair of tears falling from his eyes. “But not this way. Not when your best friend is suffering,” was all he could say before he hung up, blocking his number temporarily. 

He needed Kihyun’s clear head, so he decided to give him a call. Not even a couple of seconds passed before he replied.

_ “Where are you?” _

“In the tree behind the American football park,” was Jaejoong’s response. The team wasn’t training there for a couple of weeks as they were out of state representing the University, which he found amazing since it was very calm and he could do what he wanted without a lot of eyes on him.

_ “I’m on my way,”  _ was the last thing he heard before the other hung up.

And he felt more tears falling from his eyes.

+++

**_Kuwhale_ ** _ Have you ever felt like your heart has been taken out of your chest abruptly and the oxygen in your lungs is not enough to make you breathe? Have you ever felt that no matter what color you see, it turns to a sudden black? Have you ever felt like your body is getting sick of those around you, but you have no escape and no route? All your dreams shattered to the ground, while the abysm doesn’t hold you and wants you to drown with it. _

_ No matter how I explain it in words, it is not enough. What I am going through is the worst pain possible. I thought I would never experience it, but here I am, my heart is slowly losing the faith and its voice. _

_ I will be closing all my social media until further notice. Thanks to those who have sent me messages of support, but I need time alone. I spoke with some teachers, who know about the situation since it was made public and they are willing to allow me to take their courses online.  _

_ I will not further make any comments and my activities will also be suspended from the club I am assigned to. The joint account I had with Wonho will be closed. _

_ Thanks, everyone. _

_ Lee Minhyuk. _

**_Comments have been disabled_ **

As soon as he hit the post, he knew he would have a bunch of more messages and a bunch of more calls, but he didn’t want to talk to anyone.

He just wanted to die.

And to know that most of their mutual friends knew about it and he was walking around the University with the biggest horns possibles on his head was harder to swallow.

He had seen friends going through the same thing, but he was positive it would never happen to him. It never came to his mind, not even once, that Wonho was being unfaithful. That was the biggest betrayal he has ever gone through, and he would never want anyone to go through it in their lifetime. He empathized, but he never sympathized.

Now, he felt the hell they were going through and he didn’t know how to recuperate himself alone. 

He wasn’t strong enough.

Minhyuk blankly stared at his phone, knowing that the notifications and the calls would continue to accrue, but he counted the ones he cared about the most. Even in his grief, he was caring about his friends or at least those we thought were his intimate friends.

He had 9 missed calls from Minah, 7 from Cheska, 10 from Nami, 17 from Jaejoong, 8 from Shownu, and 34 from Wonho. Each one of them had a voicemail left and he couldn’t count the messages he got from them either.

Minhyuk stood up, his phone vibrating once again and he looked at the pictures on the wall. He had the best moments, but also the hardest ones hung up in the form of a pinwheel that lighted up when he connected it. He created it himself, wanting it to be special. Wonho had a similar one in his bedroom as well that matched his. 

They were planning to move in together. Minhyuk was thinking about how he wanted the apartment to be decorated and Wonho was just laughing about it. He didn’t care as long as they were together. It was a cheesy thought, but he loved Wonho.

He fucking loved him and he betrayed him.

“Why?” were his first words in hours, the deception written all over his face. “Why, Wonho, why?” he murmured, knowing no one would listen to his outcries.

He suddenly heard the door being banged badly.

Minhyuk was startled, but went to the security camera he had and saw that it was Shownu with his luggage.

How did he come so fast? Wasn’t he supposed to be out for a couple of more days?

He couldn’t say no to him. He might have left any other person out, but Shownu was his best friend. 

And Minhyuk admitted that deep inside, he needed to let it out.

The Engineering student opened the door and he immediately saw Shownu throwing his bags inside, taking a couple of steps to be in front of him and closing the door securely after him.

“Minhyuk,” he called him and Minhyuk looked at him as broken as he could be.

For the first time ever since he knew the incident, he felt his eyes becoming watery. All of this time, he was trying to be strong and hold it in, but once he opened that door and saw his worried eyes, he knew he was going to lose it eventually.

Shownu didn’t say anything more and embraced him, he embraced him so hard that Minhyuk knew that he wouldn’t hold it any longer.

He started with sobs and ended with the most heartbreaking cry he could ever expel out of his mouth. Shownu felt his eyes becoming watery, damning both of them in his mind.

Wonho wasn’t at fault, yet he was paying for Yunho and Jaejoong’s affair.

But that’s why he was there, he would make them feel miserable and he would make them tell the truth to each other. He was there to restore Wonho and Minhyuk and break the other two apart. 

It needed to be done.


	6. Destroyed

Jaejoong opened his apartment, relieved to be home at last. He couldn’t stare at the looks at the university. He had a couple of people that didn’t care about anything in particular, but it was hard going back and forth. Although the University was enormous, the rumors spread quite quickly thanks to social media. It didn’t help him that he was a popular student and even those who didn’t want to deal with him knew who he was.

He placed his backpack on the ground and gasped when he saw a silhouette looking at him from the living room.

“Grandpa?” he called out to him and the other person turned around with the person he wanted to see the least, his brother.

“Care to explain to me?” he said, giving his cell phone to Jaejoong, but he didn’t accept it. He knew what it was about.

“I’m gay,” he blurted out. He wasn’t going to lie anymore, it was as clear as water. There was no point in hiding it.

“And you had to compromise yourself this way?” asked his grandfather, deeply disappointed at his favorite grandson. “You could have waited until you graduated. I am no person to tell you what to do with your life, but you know how conservative this country is. You know that the law is against this and it has been hard for those people to override it. I am the Head Judge, Jaejoong, this is affecting my career.” 

“Is your career more important than your grandson?” asked Jaejoong, tears covering his eyes. “Am I not enough for you?” 

“I need my career to be able to support your future,” was his response. “I am not being selfish, Jaejoong, I am being realistic. I am trying to make you understand that doing what you have done has put us at risk.” 

“I have always been the perfect grandson,” started Jaejoong, mad at the situation that was happening. He was trying to understand why he was being punished when all he did was love another man. “I perfected volleyball and maintained grades. I passed with the highest GPA of the Department of International Law. I was nominated as the Advocate for the Student Law Board. I continue my board activities, I am an exemplary volleyball team player and I have never, ever rebelled against anyone. I never did drugs, I never drank; I was always the one who put the example.” 

“Not this time, Jaejoong, your morals failed,” said his grandfather, and that only fueled more the fire they had between them.

“Is it immoral to love a man?” said Jaejoong, his voice breaking up. “Why does my sexuality affect what I do as a human being? Don’t I deserve to love and be loved in return? Who I choose to live with or sleep with doesn’t affect me as a professional. I am good at what I do regardless of my sexual orientation.” 

“I defend the constitutional rights of the people which implicates to not discriminate against sex, religion, or social status, but it doesn’t say that I need to defend you or others based on their sexual preferences. I base myself on the law, Jaejoong, and so do you.” 

“The constitutional rule says that social status includes not being biased towards people based on their sexual orientation. You are basing yourself in the 70’s standard, where homosexuality is still a sin and that I should be fixed to fit the standards of the world. Is that all I am to you?!” he shouted as he tasted his tears.

“Enough, Kim Jaejoong,” called his grandfather with a stern voice. “I am dropping you out of the University and I will send you to the United States with your uncle.” 

“You cannot do that!” he said, shouting at him once again but he was so mad that he wasn’t feeling like talking. His mind was clouded and he was blinded by the rage, he slapped his grandfather and was about to punch him shortly afterward before his brother stood up and went between them.

“Jaejoong, stop,” he said, feeling the need to intervene. “He is our grandfather, you cannot treat him like that.”

Jaejoong started to sob, not knowing how to respond. Family is supposed to protect you and make you feel safe. Family is supposed to support you through hard times. Family is supposed to comfort you in moments of pain and suffering. Family is love - that is what they taught you forever and ever.

But it doesn’t seem like it is.

Nothing that they have told him seems to be the truth. His entire life has been a lie.

“I will forgive you only this once Jaejoong,” said his grandfather, looking directly at him while Ohmke continued to hold his brother down. “But I want you to get on the next plane to the United States with a destination to Los Angeles. I have strict order to not allow you anywhere near a computer or a telephone. You will strictly learn with your uncle and perhaps, when you calm down, we can talk more in detail.” 

Ohmke sighed. He did not have the best relationship with his brother, but he thought their grandfather was treating him as badly as he usually treated him. He wasn’t enjoying it. After all, he did have a heart. He did not want Jaejoong to be treated as they have done with him his entire life. 

“Leave him,” said their grandparent. “Let’s go.” 

The oldest brother slowly let Jaejoong go, giving him a last look for the last time before he left with his grandfather, leaving a devastating young man behind with desperate cries. 

+++

As the sun raised up, Minhyuk slowly woke up. He spent the entire afternoon and part of the night crying about his pathetic situation. He did consider it that way, he should just move on with his life. He is not the first or last person who has been cheated on, but the pain was too much for him to handle. 

He sighed, looking at Shownu sleeping on his couch bed, embracing his phone.

“You must have been talking to Kihyun,” he said to himself, a sad smile covering his face. “I hope this never happens to you…” were his best wishes, the tears coming right back to him.

Whoever, he did not expect Shownu to hear his loud cries and wake up that fast to embrace him.

“Hey, it will be okay,” were his words, patting his head and his back. “I’m here.” 

“Doesn’t… he need you too?” he whispered, his sobs getting heavier.

“He does, but he understands,” he answered. “I know you don’t want to talk to anyone, especially to him because he is very close to Jaejoong, but I don’t want that to affect our relationship.” 

Minhyuk nodded, wiping away his tears. “It’s okay, I’m not that inflexible. He is… part of you and he is your boyfriend. I would never make you choose between him or me.” 

“I can promise you one thing, Min, and it’s that I will be around for as long as you need me,” was his answer and the Engineering student faintly smiled, nodding with his head.

He was thankful for not being alone. 

However, their chat was short as his phone started ringing. Shownu excused himself and went to the living room to talk in private and the other respected that. They both had things to do and it was better if he didn’t know what he was talking about with his boyfriend. As he said, Minhyuk would never treat him badly just because he was Kihyun’s lover, who happened to be Jaejoong’s best friend. 

It was just a way of life telling him to be tolerant of people who didn’t deserve it.

“Kiki, hi,” were Shownu’s words when he arrived at the living room. 

_ “Hey, Nunu,” _ was the answer he heard back.  _ “I have bad news.”  _

“More?” sighed Shownu, not liking what he was about to hear.

_ “Jaejoong is not responding to my texts or calls,” _ he replied.  _ “I’m… scared.”  _

“He what?” he almost shouted, but tried to maintain his cool in order to not make Minhyuk worry. 

_ “I know what your thoughts are about him, I really do,” _ said Kihyun, a hint of sadness in his voice.  _ “But, he is the only one I have called… a friend in such a long time..”  _

“I know Kiki,” was his response, but he truly did not know what to say. 

_ “He usually texts me without failure and I have yet to reach out to him. I haven’t been able to get him.” _

_ “For the first time, I am scared, I do not know what is happening.”  _

“Kiki, this is so weird,” said Shownu. “First, they manipulated those pictures. I still have to convince Minhyuk about it but it is too recent and we haven’t had the chance to talk about it. Now, he is not responding to you? I might not have talked to him in months, but that doesn’t sound like him at all.” 

_ “I… am scared of being alone, Nunu,”  _ admitted Kihyun, and that surprised Shownu.  _ “He is… something invaluable for me… I… don’t know…” _

The Engineering student sighed, but when he felt a small hand on his shoulder, he knew that for today, he could leave Minhyuk alone.

“Give me five and I’ll be on my way.” 

_ “He needs you.” _

“You need me too. He understands,” was his response, but the other line didn’t respond. “I’ll spend the afternoon with you and then come back, how about that?”

_ “Okay.” _

“I love you, Kihyun, never forget it.” 

_ “I’ll see you…” _

Shownu hung up and turned around, seeing Minhyuk’s sad smile covering his face.

“I have class,” he said, trying to make him leave. Yes, he admitted he didn’t want to be alone, but in the end, Shownu had his life. He didn’t want him to jeopardize his relationship because of him. 

He had enough of those.

He already lost most of his friends, he lost Wonho, he couldn’t bear another loss in his life. His heart wouldn’t take it.

“I can’t tell you what’s happening,” was Shownu’s confession and Minhyuk deduced it had something to do with the traitors. He knew that he wouldn’t ask further, not because he didn’t care, but because he didn’t want any more heartbreaks. 

“I know,” replied the third-year student, patting briefly to the other in the shoulder. “If I need you desperately, I will send you a text message. You won’t be that far.” 

Shownu nodded and gave him a peck on the forehead, leaving shortly after.

As soon as Minhyuk saw the door closing, he felt his knees embracing the floor like they were one, the pain coming almost immediately. He felt so alone, he felt so lost. He didn’t know what to do, the suffering was consuming him alive and he didn’t like it. This wasn’t him. He was bubbly and a jokester, he was friends with everyone.

But they betrayed him.

The love of his life did the worst thing possible for him and he didn’t know how to carry on with the pain.

And with those thoughts, he let himself cry to sleep. It was the best way to forget what he was feeling deep inside. He didn’t want to eat, he didn’t want to drink, he wouldn’t engage in self-destruction.

He was already destroyed, there is no point in doing it more.

He was already shattered to pieces, and he didn’t know if he would ever be the same again.


	7. Done

Yunho couldn’t concentrate. He was lost in the abyss. He wasn’t comprehending the lectures, he wasn’t paying attention to the instructions. He felt like he was nothing. And he was.

He was nothing without Jaejoong.

Ever since Jaejoong broke up with him due to this lie, he hasn’t been able to be himself. He missed two volleyball practices in a row, and Jaejoong was nowhere to be seen. He has tried to call him several times, but they went to voicemail. He has left a couple of voicemails, trying to not sound desperate, but he wasn’t only worried, he was yearning.

He needed Jaejoong.

And it didn’t help to see his best friend suffering.

Wonho liked doing exercise, it helped him to distract himself and to continue his routine. He was very strict with his regimen and he did not miss it.

But ever since he broke with Minhyuk, he wasn’t the same. The sad part that it was his fault and he was having a hard time admitting it. If he told Wonho, would their friendship change? If he opened his mind and soul to him, would he forgive him? He was afraid. 

Everything was falling apart.

Yunho put his eyes on the phone screen, not knowing what to do.

“Why is my heart so broken, rejecting yours?” he muttered to his cell phone, knowing no one was at the volleyball court. He arrived earlier to be alone, he needed to be alone and without anyone bothering him. It was difficult at times, hiding his pain, being with Gina and just living a lie.

A lie that was breaking him from beginning to end.

But he deserved it and he was aware of it. This was a game he came up with himself. He tempted Jaejoong to accept and now, after the scandal, he has disappeared and so has Minhyuk. All Jaejoong’s social media was closed or deactivated and so was Wonho’s ex-boyfriend. 

His best friend was walking towards that same route. He already closed his Instagram and Facebook due to multiple threats made by Minhyuk’s friends. The only thing he had opened that he knew about was his Twitter and that was due to the fact that he barely used it and the username was from years ago. Nowadays, he has seen him there dedicating Minhyuk sad love songs, but no one knew it was actually him.

It was his small space of solace.

And because he knew that retweeting or answering him could jeopardize that connection, he mostly read and sent him messages of encouragement. Sometimes, he read responses, sometimes, he was left on seen. It didn’t bother him, he was suffering.

He understood it in a way.

“Hey,” he heard his voice and he briefly smiled, sitting beside him. “You are early.”

“So are you,” replied Yunho, hearing a small scoff from Wonho.

“It is hard to hide,” was his response, looking at his manly but destroyed hands. “I do some classes online, but there’s some I need to go to the lab and the stares I get are uncomfortable, but it is getting better. People aren’t caring as much anymore.” 

“As long as you don’t go to the Engineering building,” was Yunho’s response.

“I have nothing to do there anymore,” was his sad, but a truthful response. 

And Yunho knew he couldn’t keep it any longer.

“Wonho, I…” 

“No, Yunho, it is not your fault,” was his reply, looking at nowhere in particular. “I know you are sleeping with Jaejoong.” 

Yunho couldn’t hide his shame and looked at the floor, trying to prevent the tears from coming out.

“I trust you,” he continued, the tears falling from his face. “I do. I know you don’t have anything to do with the pictures. There is someone else involved and that is something I am already aware of, but what hurts me the most is that it took this whole time for you to tell me.”

“I cannot live with the disgrace I have caused within myself,” admitted Yunho, the tears continuing to fall. “I have failed myself and I have failed those around me. I failed my mom’s values and my father’s respect. I was so entitled and willing to have him, that I didn't think about the consequences. This should have broken us permanently and yet, you are still here.” 

“I would never see you as a man who would hide behind a shield,” was his reply. “It must be difficult for you, and you might have thought about it because we are human, we commit so many stupid mistakes that sometimes we cannot go back and fix them, but if you wanted a shield, you would have chosen someone else, not me.” 

“Jaejoong… broke up with me,” said Yunho after inhaling hard. “He broke up with me because I am a coward. He wanted me to tell the truth so you two could go back together.” 

“You are,” replied Wonho, but he didn’t expect his answer. “But Minhyuk doesn’t trust me. At least not enough for him to understand and see beyond the picture. He didn’t trust his partner of three years, he preferred to blatantly believe pictures that could have easily been proven false. He didn’t allow me to gather the proof I needed to tell him that it is not me, but someone else. Some of those pictures were from gatherings we have been together, but his head didn’t think twice about judging me.” 

“He didn’t love me enough, Yunho, he didn’t,” said a heartbroken medicine student, the tears finally falling. “If he did, he would have fixed this instead of throwing three years out of the window.”

Yunho began to sober harder. Jaejoong was so right, he was willing to let his best friend suffer to keep their affair. He was willing to allow his best friend to be the laughing stock of everyone for the sake of not letting the other go. He was miserable and he didn’t deserve any pity. He deserved the pits of hell with everything inside it.

He was the worst person Wonho could have met in his life and he was regretting every choice he made.

“No, Wonho…” said the psychology student, trying to reason with the engineering student. “You are wrong; I am at fault. If I hadn't engaged with Jaejoong, if I didn't offer him to be my lover, this wouldn’t have happened. Someone wanted to fuck with either him or me and here we are, making you take the downfall. And it is not fair… it’s… not fair…” 

“The damage is done, Yunho,” was the author's response, wiping away his tears. “He is not coming back anymore. But Gina doesn’t deserve this, you need to let her know. Why are you even still in a relationship with her, Yunho?” asked Wonho, clearly pissed off at his best friend, but he wasn’t shouting or anything, he was trying to make him react. He wanted to understand him - but he couldn’t. Love isn’t about a man and a woman, love is everywhere. Love is universal, why couldn't he understand it?

“I don’t know,” he sincerely responded, biting his lips along the way. “I don’t know why I am still with her.” 

“You need to decide,” were Wonho’s words, clearly upset at his best friend’s behavior. “This cannot continue. You are hurting him, you are hurting her and the most important thing, you are hurting yourself. This is not about who he is - this is about his feelings for you. Don’t you get it, Yunho? He loves you.” 

“I don’t love him,” he replied back, hiding his true feelings. “Not in that way.”

“Then stop,” replied Wonho, his eyes becoming bigger at his revelation. “If you don’t love him as you do, let him go. If you don’t love him enough, then allow me to tell Minhyuk that those pictures were manipulated to have the shape of me. Stop trying to kiss him, to have sex with him, stop everything and reconsider your life.”

“I can’t…” he started to sob. “I feel empty without him. I worry about him - I always want to know where he is. I like having him around - I feel comfortable. There’s a lot of things I feel and yet I cannot describe them…” 

“Yunho,” said his best friend in despair - wanted to help him, but he wasn’t cooperating. “What do you feel about your girlfriend? You guys have been together since high school. You guys are at the same university - she comes and cheers you up. Even when you do not have practice, she calls you and tries to be with you and all you do is reject her...” 

“I know,” he replied in desperation as the cries increased. “I don’t want to make her feel upset. I don’t want her to think I do not appreciate her.”

“You just feel pity, Yunho, and that’s wrong - you are breaking her apart too…” 

Yunho felt more tears, unable to stop them. “And this is breaking me too. I am so confused, Wonho… I don’t know… I don’t know what to do…” 

“He’s gone too, right?” asked Wonho to the other, knowing that he was just putting more salt to the wound, but ever since this happened, the group was indefinitely split. Nami wasn’t taking any sides, but Cheska and Kirs were. Minah would always side, or at least most of the time, she would go with anything Shownu said and he was Minhyu’s best friend. It must have been difficult for them overall, but it happened and he wasn’t going to go against it.

Yunho nodded, his pain not allowing him to talk properly.

Wonho sighed. “I thought I would never say this but, Jaejoong is right, you did use me as a shield and I lost the love of my life because of this. You are seeing it and yet, this is your response?” 

Yunho stood in silence.

“I need a break,” mentioned Wonho. “We will talk someday, but not today,” with those last words, Wonho left the volleyball court.

“Even if I have to die, he will come back,” replied the third-year student to himself, his pain doubling. “At least you deserve to be happy.” 

+++

Shownu was in the cafeteria. Kihyun did not have classes today and preferred to stay at his apartment. He wasn’t a very sociable person either and he accepted him the way he was. He didn’t mind having him waiting for him to come back. But he had to admit that he missed him miserably and it didn’t help that he switched back and forth between him and Minhyuk.

He was submerged in his thoughts that he did not see Nami sitting at his table, a very solemn look on her face.

Shownu was surprised. The engineering building was far from the psychology building, so he had no idea why she was there.

“Shownu, I know you don’t talk to Jaejoong, but has Kihyun seen him?” she asked him without any regrets. She didn’t sugarcoat anything and wasn’t going to engage in a situation in order to get something out of you. She was straightforward, she came looking for a response and if he wasn’t going to give it to her, she would continue to ask until she found the answer. 

“No,” was his honest response. He did speak to Kihyun about this and he hated to see him devastated and lost, but he had no idea where he was.

They didn’t know.

“Did he tell you something?” 

Shownu wasn’t going to lie. Nami deserved to know the little information he had. “He told me he is not responding to his calls or texts.”

“Damn it,” she said, running her fingers through her hair as a sign of desperation. “If he’s not responding to any of us, something is happening.” 

“I wish I could tell you more, but that’s all I have,” was his response. “I know Ki… Kihyun,” he corrected himself. They all knew they were together but he kept his nickname dearly close to his heart and knew that it embarrassed the other due to his shy nature, so he called him by his usual name in front of others, regardless of whether they knew about their relationship or not. “Kihyun is not the best person to talk to, but he is worried too.” 

“I never dare to call him unless it’s strictly necessary,” said Nami. “This is why I dared to look for you on my own to see if he has told you something.”

Shownu denied with his head at her question.

“Can you tell him to call me?” she asked and he nodded. “You can be on the phone, it doesn’t matter, but he is close to Jaejoong. We need to figure this out.”

“I agree,” said Shownu at her words. “This is not like him at all.” 

“I don’t know what happened between you two,” commented Nami, and Shownu surprised himself at her upcoming words. “But I know it has to do something with this tragedy. I am sure that you knew beforehand and that was the reason why you decided to step away.” 

The engineering student did not respond to her concerns, but the look on his face gave it away. She was partially correct, only that the person Jaejoong was sleeping with wasn’t Wonho, but Yunho. He didn’t know which one was worse, but that wasn’t his secret to tell. He also didn’t have enough proof to show everyone Yunho was the one. The pictures were very well made and the only thing he had was the engraved words of Jaejoong when he discovered them at the apartment.

In terms of the law, there was nothing legitimate. What he had was not enough to support his allegations.

“I am not judging you, but God knows how much I am judging Jaejoong,” she admitted to the other, her eyes becoming watery. “He is my best friend, Shownu - I love him to death, but what he did is not something I see well. He made a big mistake and I want a good explanation from him. This is the reason why I am looking for him. I want him to explain to me why he had to lay his eyes on someone who was taken.” 

“I cannot respond because I am not him,” replied Shownu. “But I can tell you that it’s not him.” 

Nami arched an eyebrow, not understanding what he was saying.

“I can’t tell you what I exactly know because I do not have enough proof to support what I know, but I can tell you that it’s not Wonho,” he continued, clarifying a little bit of her doubt but she was still confused on everything else. “Those pictures were manipulated by someone else and this is why I want to convince Minhyuk, but I don’t know how to do it.” 

“How do you know it is not Wonho, Shownu?”

The engineering student knew there was nothing he could do but say the truth. He won’t say it is Yunho, but he will tell her enough to appease her curiosity and to also have her included in his plan. 

“I know for a long time who’s Jaejoong’s lover,” he confessed, earning a doubtful look from Nami. “I saw who it was with my own eyes, but it was his secret and even though I admit it is wrong, that is some ground I would never cross. Yes, I understand people are suffering from this, but that’s not my call. I might sound selfish, but Jaejoong also knows something about Kihyun that I am not aware of and he is not willing to share and I trust him.”

“This being said, I can assure you that it is not Wonho and that the pictures were manipulated. By whom? I don’t know, but once I find enough proof to substantiate what I know, it will be a different story.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” she asked, being honest with him as he was being honest with her.

“I need you to help me with your connections,” said Shownu. “My intention is not to separate Jaejoong and you, that is something you guys need to resolve. My goal is to make Minhyuk see he made a mistake by blindly following his doubts and for Wonho to realize how oblivious he was.” 

“Send me the pictures,” was her response. “I will try.”

The second-year student smiled.


End file.
